Men,
Women, And The Circles Of Sex Or Celibacy
I once had a nurse practitioner comment that sex was
better with friends. Really? The thought had never occurred to me, but as I
stepped into the world of sexual activity, I saw it could make sense--if you
knew the boundaries and what you expected. Probably what the nurse really meant
was that sex between two friends equaled a safer experience psychologically, one
where no one would end up with a broken heart.
What’s interesting about this is that my first time
was with a gentleman I’d been friends with for three years before we actually
took the step into the bedroom, and it seemed to have happened out of the blue.
Never had we discussed sex during our friendship. We really didn’t even date on
a regular basis, but somehow got together and attended plays or the occasional
concert; we also worked at the same place, but
different departments. One night
on the way to a play, he blurted out, “I wonder what it would be like to sleep
with you?” It was like our hormones had been raging at the same time.
And that was it. When we got back to my place, it
happened. We never saw each other again. His departure didn’t make me feel bad
or cheap. I knew what I wanted, and that was an initiation into sex by someone
safe, one who wouldn’t degrade me. I knew where we stood, and the role he
played for me. Years later, I still have no regrets with him being the first.
We were just friends, we came together one time, and that was it. Fine with
me--and obviously with him too. But remember, there were three years of no sexual activity. And to be honest, I
never felt the drive to do anything more with him. Enjoying simple
companionship was enough for us.
When asked in a group, men and women will all agree
that two people of the opposite gender can be just friends, but get those
individuals apart, you might hear different stories. As a female, I say that
it’s more than possible that men and women can be just friends, while my spouse
gives an emphatic no. The reason for this, he says, is because men think about
sex. But he offered another suggestion: it might be possible to be just friends
once people are in their fifty’s or older.
Can’t disagree with my spouse where age is concerned.
I would venture to say younger people, who’s bodies are running hot, probably
find sex more important than older people. Appearance may play a big role, to
some degree, but there are men who break
down if they’re desperate enough. So
what makes a man and woman just friends? Is it age, lack of libido, no chemistry?
A lady I know admitted to me one time that she and her
spouse had gone for years without sex, and for some unknown reason, didn’t seem
driven by urges, nor compelled to get the sexy spark back. When asked about
what happened, she stated that age, fatigue, and difficulty with joint stiffness
definitely played a part. Libido didn’t run high anymore as they settled into
more mature phases of life. It had been like the sex had dropped off little by
little like a slow leak, until she woke up and realized that she and her spouse
hadn’t been together in ages.
But she told me something interesting. Their marriage
was just as solid and strong, with neither feeling like they were lacking or
being denied. They talked about it at times, just to check in with each other. According
to her, she and her mate enjoyed traveling, talking, and basically spending
time together--all without the trappings of sex. To her sex did not a marriage
make, but the enjoyment of each other to the exclusion of others did. She’d
discovered she’d rather be with her mate than anyone else, and he felt the
same.
They also communicated well with each other, talked
out their differences, discussed odd and unusual topics, sometimes drifting
into what others would consider eyebrow-raising conversations. Sex had become
the least important, with other considerations taking center stage. The best
part, they were more than comfortable with their lifestyle.
As far as what compels the decision to leave out sex
in a relationship and still hang together, that answer could be multi-faceted,
with many possibilities. Individuality, personal preferences, situations, and
needs play a part too. And don’t forget religion, which can muddy the waters
for some people. The most important thing to consider, whichever path you take
in a relationship, don’t bind yourselves to expectations and rules. This can
lead to sure disaster if someone doesn’t hold up their end of the bargain. The
happiest friends, spouses, boyfriends, or girlfriends are those who go with the
flow, enjoy the relationship, and the fun and security it offers.
So the answer to the question, “can men and women just
be friends,” I’d say yes.
***Scarlet Darkwood is an author of erotica, romance,
paranormal, horror, gothic, thriller.
You can connect with her here:
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